The Third Child

Mr C and I are the proud parents of two beautiful boys. Now that our second son is well and truly in to his toddler years, friends and family are asking if we will have any more children. The answer is no.  We are officially done. We feel that our family is complete and I have no yearning for another child. While I can’t be certain I never will want another child, two children are what we both wanted and what suits our family. Of course since I have two of the same gender I am asked “but don’t you want a girl?” No, I don’t need a daughter to finish our family.

 

What upsets me the most till this day occurred late in to our last pregnancy. We were asked “will you have any more children?” I replied no two was the agreed number when this person replied “but you are only having one with Mr C so you could have another one”. I felt instant shock. I’m well aware that Mr C didn’t father Master J genetically but he is his dad in every other way. I wasn’t going to let this slide this was an insult to Master J. I replied Master J counts as number one no matter who contributed to his making. I’m glad Master J wasn’t old enough to understand this as I can only imagine how much that would have hurt being disregarded as part of the family.

 

“You’re only young” is another point made when people ask if I want more children. While this is true I would choose another five year gap because it works perfectly for us which puts me in my mid-thirties. There a number of reasons we have settled on two. Children are expensive. From food, clothes to school fees, this all adds up. I want to give my boys the best I can afford and another child would make this a little harder to do. I also want my children to have their own space which for me is their own rooms especially with the age gap of five years. Then there is physical side and emotional side that come with pregnancy and birth. While I enjoyed being pregnant and had very few dramas the worry really gets to me. Natural birth is not an option for me anymore and I really don’t want another C-section.

 

My sons have an amazing bond that I hope continues between them as they grow up. Watching them interact together makes me sure that our decision to only have two was the right one. It’s perfect for our family but every family is different. If we did fall pregnant again we wouldn’t not love that child any less then we love our sons, and we would make it work, it’s just not part of our plan.

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6 thoughts on “The Third Child

  1. I love your honesty and can relate in my own way. I originally got married at 20 and spent the following years dealing with questions around why I didn’t have kids yet because society is so fixated on what they think is normal. I on the other hand believe we’re all completely different and have the right to live in any way that makes us happy as long as it doesn’t cause anyone harm, so proud to have stuck to my guns which has allowed me to eventually find the *right* partner and follow many dreams that would have been near impossible if I had kids already. 🙂

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    • Thank you. I also got married at age 20 to my ex. Society expects us to follow the order like get married, buy a house and have kids. I agree we should live how we want to and do what makes us happy.

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  2. It really peeves me when people demand these kind of answers from you. It’s really noone’s business. And if you did “go for” number 3 – you’ll get what I did “Are you trying for a girl???” Sus

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    • Exactly and then they want an explanation on why were not having any more. Yes i can see that being said if we decided to have another. Why is gender so important

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  3. People can be so intrusive! I can only imagine what’s it’s like when people ask you things like that. I have a few single friends who always get pestered about why they don’t want kids and its really nobody else’s business.

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