I met Mr C when I was 24 and Master J was 18 months old. I had been single for 9 months when a friend suggested I add this guy to my Facebook friends apparently he was really funny and she thought I could do with a laugh. Our first messenger conversation went for an hour and half. I didn’t think he was funny at this point but he seemed to be nice. Asked questions about my child and seemed to have a general understanding of children. We continued these conversations over the next few weeks before I gave him my number.
We continued talking and seeing each other for a while before we considered a possible relationship. It had been Master J and I for a while and I needed to think about how this would affect him. This was more than just about me. How would our life alter and would Master J be happy? How would Mr C fit into our current life? Could he handle the drama I was having regarding the father? What part would he play in Master J’s life? Would he be his friend, male role model or possibly step dad?
The contract began. It was like a contract there were conditions I had regarding Master J and how this would work. I explained that Master J would always come first now and in the future if he wasn’t cool with this then we were not going any further. I outlined that I wasn’t interested in a short term relationship. I wanted this to be a long term thing assuming it worked out. I wouldn’t spend extended time away from son for him and he needed to understand that Master J had to share me with him not the other way around. The big question was did he think he could love my son. I did drop this on Mr C one night randomly but I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t love my child. His answer was I think I can. I couldn’t ask for any more than that.
We officially got together on the 18th of September 2011. We had first little outing together to the beach on the 9th of October. We took Master J to the park and then got his the first ice cream that he was allowed to manage on his own. It was a beautiful day. That night on our way to drop Mr C back home we were involved in a car accident. Master J was completely fine thank god and so was Mr C. I did break my knee cap and wrist and ended up in hospital for two nights. I have to say the car accident moved our relationship along quite fast. Mr C went from sharing Lego with Master J to changing nappies and cooking for us every second day.
Then came the parenting part. I had been parenting Master J pretty much by myself since he was born even though I wasn’t single for the first ten months of his life I was definitely in a situation where I could have been and it wouldn’t have been any different. After we moved in together Mr C started having what I would call parenting input into Master J’s life. I found it difficult when Mr C would tell Master J off for doing something he wasn’t supposed to which is a lot when they are two years old. I immediately wanted to say what are you doing he is my child you have no right to tell him off or discipline him. It took me a long time to get over this and accept Mr Cs input not only in this area but in other aspects of Master J s life.
Playing Dad to Master J wasn’t something we thought we had to consider for a long time. Around twenty two months Master J dropped the D word. Daddy. We weren’t prepared for this and we’re not sure what to do. Did we stop him and correct him or just run with it? Mr C and I decided to run with it. We didn’t think it had any real meaning to him at that point. After about year he dropped Daddy and started calling Mr C by his first name and we ran with that to. We had always said it was his decision on what he wanted to call Mr C.
This is a background story on the creation on our family. How it all started and the early days. This is a two part series with Mr C writing part two as the step parent. How he fitted in to my family and what playing the part of a stepparent is like for him.