Mummy guilt is something I experience most of the time. I can usually add a few more things to list I feel guilty about every couple of days. What I feel most guilty about at the moment stems from last year. The second week of reception Master J had received an award at assembly for settling well into reception. I wasn’t there to see him stand up in front of the school and accept his award. It hurts to think of how proud he would have been and I missed it. I don’t know if he looked around for me but if he did the disappointment he must have felt makes me want to tear up every time I think about it. He again received another award later in the year and yes I missed that one too. I missed these assemblies because I was sick but that doesn’t make me feel better or replace me at these important events in his life.
Yes it’s been a few weeks but I have been dealing with sickness and medication withdrawal. I had to come off the medication I was on for anxiety before I could start the new medication for depression and insomnia. I found the medication withdrawal tough especially in the evening. The first couple of nights I had to deal with nausea with resulted in me taking anti-nausea medication to just get through the night. The next couple of days I felt I down right horrible. Feeling constantly sick and the only that would help a little was eating. I didn’t enjoy the constant snacking. Complete lack of being to concentrate on anything and the emotional meltdowns which were happening every couple of hours. This lasted a couple of weeks with the first week being the worst and had me considering just taking the medication to feel normal again.